How to Stop Worrying: Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety Relief

Worrying can be helpful when it spurs you to take action and solve a problem. But if you're preoccupied with "what ifs" and worst-case scenarios, worry becomes a problem of its own. Unrelenting doubts and fears are paralyzing, not motivating or productive. They sap your emotional energy, send your anxiety levels soaring, and interfere with your day-to-day life - all this with no positive payoff! The good news is that chronic worrying is a mental habit you can learn how to break. You can train your brain to stay calm and collected and to look at life from a more positive perspective.

Why is it so hard to stop worrying?

Constant worrying takes a heavy toll. It keeps you up at night and makes you tense and edgy during the day. You hate feeling like a nervous wreck. So why is it so difficult to stop worrying?

For most chronic worriers, the anxious thoughts are fueled by the beliefs - both negative and positive - they hold about worrying. On the negative side, you may believe that your constant worrying is harmful, that it's going to drive you crazy or affect your physical health. Or you may worry that you're going to lose all control over your worrying - that it will take over and never stop.

On the positive side, you may believe that your worrying helps you avoid bad things, prevents problems, prepares you for the worst, or leads to solutions.

Negative beliefs, or worrying about worrying, add to your anxiety and keep worrying going. But positive beliefs about worrying can be even more damaging. It's tough to break the worry habit if you believe that your worrying protects you. In order to stop worry and anxiety for good, you must give up your belief that worrying serves a positive purpose. Once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you can regain control of your worried mind.

Self-help tip #1: Accept uncertainty

The inability to tolerate uncertainty plays a huge role in anxiety and worry. Chronic worriers can't stand doubt or unpredictability. They need to know with 100% certainty what's going to happen. Worrying is seen as a way to predict what the future has in store, a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it doesn't work.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn't make life any more predictable. You may feel safer when you're worrying, but it's just an illusion. Focusing on worst-case scenarios won't keep bad things from happening. It will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. So if you want to stop worrying, start by tackling your need for certainty and immediate answers.

Self-help tip #2: Create a worry period

It's tough to be productive in your daily life when anxiety and worry are dominating your thoughts. Trying to stop worrying doesn't work - at least not for long. You can distract yourself for a moment, but you can't banish your anxious thoughts for good. Trying to do so often makes them stronger. But that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do to control your worry. You just need to try a different approach. Rather than trying to totally suppress an anxious thought, develop the habit of postponing worrying.

Learning to postpone worrying:

• Create a "worry period." Choose a set time and place for worrying. It should be the same every day and early enough that it won't make you anxious right before bedtime. During your worry period, you're allowed to worry about whatever's on your mind. The rest of the day, however, is a worry-free zone.
• Postpone your worry. If an anxious thought or worry comes into your head during the day, make a brief note of it on paper and postpone it to your worry period. Remind yourself that you'll have time to think about it later, so there's no need to worry about it right now. Save it for later and continue to go about your day.
• Go over your "worry list" during the worry period. Reflect on the worries you wrote down during the day. If the thoughts are still bothering you, allow yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you've specified for your worry period. If the worries don't seem important any more, cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day.

Postponing worrying is effective because it breaks the habit of dwelling on worries in the present moment. As you develop the ability to postpone your anxious thoughts, you'll experience a greater sense of control.

Self-help tip #3: Challenge negative thoughts

If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worries, chances are you look at the world in ways that make it seem more dangerous than it really is. For example, you may overestimate the possibility that things will turn out badly, jump immediately to worst-case scenarios, or treat every negative thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life's problems, assuming you'll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes are known as cognitive distortions.

Although cognitive distortions aren't based on reality, they're not easy to give up. Often, they're part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that's become so automatic you're not even completely aware of it. In order to break these bad thinking habits and top the worry and anxiety they bring - you must retrain your brain.

Start by identifying the frightening thought, being as detailed as possible about what scares or worries you. Then, instead of viewing your thoughts as facts, treat them as hypotheses you're testing out. As you examine and challenge your worries and fears, you'll develop a more balanced perspective.

Stop worry by questioning the worried thought:

• What's the evidence that the thought is true? That it's not true?
• Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?
• What's the probability that what I'm scared of will actually happen?
• If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?
• Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me?
• What would I say to a friend who had this worry?

Self-help tip #4: Learn how to relax

Anxiety is more than just a feeling. It's the body's physical "fight or flight' reaction to a perceived threat. Your heart pounds, you breathe faster, your muscles tense up, and you feel light-headed. When you're relaxed, the complete opposite happens. Your heart rate slows down, you breathe slower and more deeply, your muscles relax, and your blood pressure stabilizes. Since it's impossible to be anxious and relaxed at the same time, strengthening your body's relaxation response is a powerful anxiety-relieving tactic.

If you're a chronic worrier, relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, and meditation can teach you how to relax. The key is regular practice. Try to set aside at least 30 minutes a day. Over time, the relaxation response will come easier and easier, until it feels natural.

• Progressive muscle relaxation. When anxiety takes hold, progressive muscle relaxation can help you release muscle tension and take a "time out" from your worries. The technique involves systematically tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in your body. As your body relaxes, your mind will follow.
• Deep breathing. When you're anxious, you breathe faster. This hyperventilation causes symptoms such as dizziness, breathlessness, lightheadedness, and tingly hands and feet. These physical symptoms are frightening, leading to further anxiety and panic. But by breathing deeply from the diaphragm, you can reverse these symptoms and calm yourself down.
• Meditation. Many types of meditation have been shown to reduce anxiety. Mindfulness meditation, in particular, shows promise for anxiety relief. Research shows that mindfulness meditation can actually change your brain. With regular practice, meditation boosts activity on the left side of the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for feelings of serenity and joy.

Self-help tip #5: Take care of yourself

A healthy, balanced lifestyle plays a big role in keeping anxiety, fears and worry at bay. Read on for a number of ways you can stop anxiety and worry by taking care of yourself.

• Reach out for support
• Adopt healthy eating habits
• Limit caffeine and sugar
• Exercise regularly
• Avoid alcohol and nicotine
• Get enough sleep

Taken from helpguide.org  Written by Melinda Smith, Robert Segal and Jeanne Segal

Preventing Burnout

If constant stress has you feeling disillusioned, helpless, and completely worn out, you may be suffering from burnout. When you're burned out, problems seem insurmountable, everything looks bleak, and it's difficult to muster up the energy to care - let alone do something about your situation.

The unhappiness and detachment burnout causes can threaten your job, your relationships, and your health. But burnout can be healed. If you recognize the signs and symptoms of burnout it its early stages, simple stress management strategies may be enough to solve the problem. In the later stages of burnout, recovery may take more time and effort, but you can still regain your balance by reassessing your priorities, making time for yourself, and seeking support.

What is burnout?

Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest or motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place.

Burnout reduces your productivity and saps your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, and resentful. Eventually, you may feel like you have nothing more to give.

Most of us have days when we feel bored, overloaded, or unappreciated; when the dozen balls we keep in the air aren't noticed, let alone rewarded; when dragging ourselves out of bed requires the determination of Hercules. If you feel like this most of the time, however, you may be flirting with burnout.

You may be on the road to burnout if:

• Every day is a bad day
• Caring about your work or home life seems like a total waste of energy
• You're exhausted all the time
• The majority of your day is spent on tasks you find either mind-numbingly dull or overwhelming
• You feel like nothing you do makes a difference or is appreciated

The negative effects of burnout spill over into every area of life - including home and social life. Burnout can also cause long-term changes to your body that make you vulnerable to illnesses like colds and flu. Because of its many consequences, it's important to deal with burnout right away.

Dealing With Burnout: The "Three R" Approach

• Recognize: watch for the warning signs of burnout
• Reverse: undo the damage by managing stress and seeking support
• Resilience: build your resilience to stress by taking care of your physical and emotional health

The difference between stress and burnout

Burnout may be the result of unrelenting stress, but it isn't the same as too much stress. Stress, by and large, involves too much: too many pressures that demand too much of you physically and psychologically. Stressed people can still imagine, though, that if they can just get everything under control, they'll feel better.

Burnout, on the other hand, is about not enough. Being burned out means feeling empty, devoid of motivation, and beyond caring. People experiencing burnout often don't see any hope of positive change in their situations. If excessive stress is like drowning in responsibilities, burnout is being all dried up. One other difference between stress and burnout: While you're usually aware of being under a lot of stress, you don't always notice burnout when it happens.

Causes of burnout

There are many causes of burnout. In many cases, burnout stems from the job. But anyone who feels overworked and undervalued is at risk for burnout - from the hardworking office worker who hasn't had a vacation or a raise in two years to the frazzled stay-at-home mom struggling with the heavy responsibility of taking care of three kids, the housework, and her aging father.

But burnout is not caused solely by stressful work or too many responsibilities. Other factors contribute to burnout, including your lifestyle and certain personality traits. What you do in your downtime and how you look at the world can play just as big of a role in causing burnout as work or home demands.

Work-related causes of burnout

• Feeling like you have little or no control over your work
• Lack of recognition or rewards for good work
• Unclear or overly demanding job expectations
• Doing work that's monotonous or unchallenging
• Working in a chaotic or high-pressure environment

Lifestyle causes of burnout

• Working too much, without enough time for relaxing and socializing
• Being expected to be too many things to too many people
• Taking on too many responsibilities, without enough help from others
• Not getting enough sleep
• Lack of close, supportive relationships

Personality traits can contribute to burnout

• Perfectionistic tendencies; nothing is ever good enough
• Pessimistic view of yourself and the world
• The need to be in control; reluctance to delegate to others
• High-achieving, Type A personality

Warning signs and symptoms of burnout

Burnout is a gradual process that occurs over an extended period of time. It doesn't happen overnight, but it can creep up on you if you're not paying attention to the warning signals. The signs and symptoms of burnout are subtle at first, but they get worse and worse as time goes on.

Think of the early symptoms of burnout as warning signs or red flags that something is wrong that needs to be addressed. If you pay attention to these early warning signs, you can prevent a major breakdown. If you ignore them, you'll eventually burn out.

Physical signs and symptoms of burnout

• Feeling tired and drained most of the time
• Lowered immunity, feeling sick a lot
• Frequent headaches, back pain, muscle aches
• Change in appetite or sleep habits

Emotional signs and symptoms of burnout

• Sense of failure and self-doubt
• Feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated
• Detachment, feeling alone in the world
• Loss of motivation
• Increasingly cynical and negative outlook
• Decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment

Behavioral signs and symptoms of burnout

• Withdrawing from responsibilities
• Isolating yourself from others
• Procrastinating, taking longer to get things done
• Using food, drugs, or alcohol to cope
• Taking out your frustration on others
• Skipping work or coming in late and leaving early

Preventing burnout

If you recognize the warning signs or impending burnout in yourself, remember that it will only get worse if you leave it alone. But if you take steps to get your life back into balance, you can prevent burnout from becoming a full-blown breakdown.

Burnout prevention tips

• Start the day with a relaxing ritual
• Adopt healthy eating, exercising, and sleeping habits
• Set boundaries
• Take a daily break from technology
• Nourish your creative side
• Learn how to manage stress

Recovering from burnout

Sometimes it's too late to prevent burnout - you're already past the breaking point. If that's the case, it's important to take your burnout very seriously. Trying to push through the exhaustion and continue as you have been will only cause further emotional and physical damage. While the tips for burnout are still helpful at this stage, recovery requires additional steps.

• Strategy #1: Slow down. When you've reached end stage burnout, adjusting your attitude or looking after your health isn't going to solve the problem. You need to force yourself to slow down or take a break. Cut back whatever commitments and activities you can. Give yourself time to rest, reflect and heal.
• Strategy #2: Get support. When you're burned out, the natural tendency is to protect what little energy you have left by isolating yourself. But your friends and family are more important than ever during difficult times. Turn to your loved ones for support. Simply sharing your feelings with another person can relieve some of the burden.
• Strategy #3: Reevaluate your goals and priorities. Burnout is an undeniable sign that something important in your life is not working. Take time to think about your hopes, goals and dreams. Are you neglecting something that is truly important to you? Burnout can be an opportunity to rediscover what really makes you happy and to change course accordingly.

Coping with job burnout

The most effective way to combat job burnout is to quit doing what you're doing and do something else, whether that means changing jobs or changing careers. But if that isn't an option for you, there are still things you can do to improve your situation, or at least your state of mind.

• Actively address problems. Take a proactive approach - rather than a passive one - to issues in your workplace. You'll feel less helpless if you assert yourself and express your needs. If you don't have the authority or resources to solve the problem, talk to a superior.
• Clarify your job description. Ask your boss for an updated description of your job duties and responsibilities. Point out things you're expected to do that are not part of your job description and gain a little leverage by showing that you've been putting in work over and above the parameters of your job.
• Ask for new duties. If you've been doing the exact same work for a long time, ask to try something new: a different grade level, a different sales territory, a different machine.
• Take time off. If burnout seems inevitable, take a complete break from work. Go on vacation, use up your sick days, ask for a temporary leave-of-absence - anything to remove yourself from the situation. Use the time away to recharge your batteries and take perspective.

Taken from the helpguide.org  Written by Melinda Smith, Ellen Gill, Jeanne Segal and Robert Segal

Emotional Intelligence: Five Key Skills for Raising Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a different type of intelligence. It's about being "heart smart," not just "book smart." The evidence shows that emotional intelligence matters just as much as intellectual ability, it not more so, when it comes to happiness and success in life. Emotional intelligence helps you build strong relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your goals. The skills of emotional intelligence can be developed throughout life. You can boost your own "EQ" by learning how to rapidly reduce stress, connect to your emotions, communicate nonverbally, use humor and play to deal with challenges, and defuse conflicts with confidence and self-assurance.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage your emotions in positive and constructive ways. It's about recognizing your own emotional state and the emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also about engaging with others in ways that draw people to you.

Emotional intelligence consists of four core abilities:

• Self-awareness: The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
• Self-management: The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness: The ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
• Relationship management: The ability to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

Emotional development: How to raise your emotional intelligence

Most of us know that there is a world of difference between knowledge and behavior, or applying that knowledge to make changes in our lives. There are many things we may know and want to do, but don't or can't when we're under pressure. This is especially true when it comes to emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is not learned in the standard intellectual way; it must be learned and understood on an emotional level. We can't simply read about emotional intelligence or master it through memorization. In order to learn about emotional intelligence in a way that products change, we need to engage the emotional parts of the brain in ways that connect us to others. This kind of learning is based on what we see, hear, and feel. Intellectual understanding is an important first step, but the development of emotional intelligence depends on sensory, nonverbal learning and real-life practice.

Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills

Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills, each building on the last:

• EQ skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress
• EQ skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions
• EQ skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication
• EQ skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges
• EQ skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence

The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at anytime. But there is a difference between learning about EQ and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn't mean you will - especially when you're feeling stressed. This is especially true when it comes to the skills of EQ.

Raising your emotional intelligence by engaging your emotions

When you become overwhelmed with stress, the emotional parts of your brain override the rational parts - hijacking your best-laid plans, intentions, and strategies. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means you can't simply read about EQ in order to master it. You have to learn the skills on a deeper, emotional level - experiencing and practicing them in your everyday life.

EQ skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress

When you're under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decision making go out the window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the way of our ability to accurately "read" a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of our own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly. The first key skill of EQ is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when you're feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control - no matter what challenges you face.

EQ skill 2: Connect to your emotions

The second key skill of EQ is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. Many people are disconnected from their emotions - especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can't eliminate them. They're still there, whether we're aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.

EQ skill 3: Nonverbal communication

Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Oftentimes, what we say is less important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, we need to be aware of and in control of our nonverbal cues. We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send us. Nonverbal communication is the third skill of EQ. This wordless form of communication is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: "Are you listening?" and "Do you understand and care?" Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we listen, look, move, and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection - or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.

EQ skills 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life's difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into balance. The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play is the fourth skill of EQ. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us:

• Take hardships in stride
• Smooth over differences
• Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves
• Become more creative

EQ skill 5: Resolve conflict positively

Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can't have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn't be a bad thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn't perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships. The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is the fifth key skill of EQ. Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you'll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations and cath and defuse many issues before they escalate.

Taken from helpguide.org  Written by Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith

How to Relax After a Hard Day: Leaving Work at Work

You had a challenging, productive and sometimes stressful day at the office. You then battled traffic to make it home. Now you need to put your mind at ease, recharge your battery, and refresh yourself so you can do the whole thing again tomorrow.

Yet the house is a mess, the kids are restive, and your partner wants to know what you're cooking for dinner (yes, it's your turn).

Or perhaps things at home are relatively calm, but your mind is anything but. Try as you might, you just can't stop turning over the day's events - and obsessing about tomorrow's challenges. Your evening leisure hours have been stolen by work thoughts - and before you know it, it will be time to go back.

If either of these scenarios described your after-work evenings and weekends, you might need to work a little harder at something that seems like it should come easy. Taking a well-earned breather after a long day at the office.

Like most other tasks, relaxation is a skill - one that repays the effort of learning it. Mastering the art of relaxation off the job can make you more rested, focused, energetic - and successful - on it.

Does relaxing really matter?

If you're having trouble resting your mind away from the office, you already know it. But what are the consequences? Here are just some of the troubles the tired and relaxation-challenged face at work:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Bad moods and rising workplace conflict
• A lack of new ideas or fresh insights
• A loss of enthusiasm for, and enjoyment of, their jobs

Combined, these unfortunate tendencies can highjack the highest-flying career. Learning to chill might be your most urgent task!

How to relax

We suggest a three-pronged approach to relaxing after work, involving your body and mind, your home environment and what you do in your time off. It may take you a little while to set everything up for relaxing after work, but once you have you'll be able to enjoy your "down time" more as well as recharging your batteries so that you're raring to go the next morning.

Relaxation techniques

Start by deep breathing, progressive muscular relaxation and the relaxation response to learn how to relax your body.

Although relaxation is important, your body can only be truly prepared for the next day if it gets the amount of sleep it needs. 

Taking the stress out of your home environment

Clean your house, free your mind. If your relaxation problems stem from a stressful home life, you probably need to focus on making your house a calm haven. This will take some up-front energy - the actual act of changing habits may not be particularly relaxing - but it has potential to pay serious mind-clearing dividends.

The first step is to consider your messiness level. Most people find it hard to relax in a chaotic home. When you arrive from a long day at work, are there dishes piled up? Are clothes strewn throughout the bedroom? Adopt a house rule common to restaurant kitchens the world over: Clean as you go.

Much depends on dinner. Modern life has made dinner both a challenge and an opportunity. It's a challenge because modern working and commuting have made it difficult to share a leisurely, well-cooked home meal with family and friends. Yet it's an opportunity because there are multiple time-saving options for the evening meal.

One strategy for maximizing relaxation is to plan dinners for the week ahead. If this seems excessive, stop for a moment, and think about what you're doing from a project management perspective. You're sourcing materials, and creating deliverables for three or four people over a seven day period to a fixed schedule. Would you do this at work without planning ahead?

A plan like this opens time and headspace for real relaxation. As with your to-do list at work, keeping everything in your head is stressful. Once you've got it down on paper, you no longer need to remember every detail. Your mind can relax!

Engaging your mind

So, now your body is calm, you've sorted out housework and brought dinner to heel. What do you do with all the time you've opened up? The trick is to find a way to engage your mind, to take it away from work, so you can be more present at work when you go back.

For many people, the fast-and-easy way to forget work is to self-medicate with alcohol. But this solution muddles rather than clears the mind, and will return you to work feeling depleted, not refreshed. What's more, in excess, it can damage your health.

Here are some better alternatives:

• Indulge in a hobby
• Be a connoisseur
• Take up a sport
• Look to the East

Taken from Mindtools.com

Prioritization: Making the Best of Your Time and Resources

Prioritization is the essential skill that you need to make the very best use of your own efforts and those of your team. It's also a skill that you need to create calmness and space in your life so that you can focus your energy and attention on the things that really matter.

It's particularly important when time is limited and demands are seemingly unlimited. It helps you to allocate your time where it's most-needed and most wisely spent, freeing you and your team up from less important tasks that can be attended to later...or quietly dropped.

With good prioritization (and careful management of reprioritized tasks) you can bring order to chaos, massively reduce stress, and move towards a successful conclusion. Without it, you'll flounder around, drowning in competing demands.

Simple Prioritization

At a simple level, you can prioritize based on time constraints, on the potential profitability or benefit of the task you're facing, or on the pressure you're under to complete a job:

• Prioritization based on project value or profitability is probably the most commonly-used and rational basis for prioritization. Whether this is based on a subjective guess at value or a sophisticated financial evaluation, it often gives the most efficient results.
• Time constraints are important where other people are depending on you to complete a task, and particularly where this task is on the critical path of an important project. Here, a small amount of your own effort can go a very long way.
• And it's a brave (and maybe foolish) person who resists his or her boss' pressure to complete a task, when that pressure is reasonable and legitimate.

Prioritization Tools

While these simple approaches to prioritization suit many situations, there are plenty of special cases where you'll need other prioritization and time management tools if you're going to be truly effective. We look at some of these prioritization tools below:

• Paired comparison analysis. This is most useful where decision criteria are vague, subjective or inconsistent. It helps you prioritize options by asking you to compare each item on a list with all other items on the list individually. By deciding in each case which of the two is most important, you can consolidate results to get a prioritized list.
• Grid analysis. This helps you prioritize a list of tasks where you need to take many different factors into consideration.
• Action priority matrix. This quick and simple diagramming technique asks you to plot the value of the task against the effort it will consume. By doing this you can quickly spot the "quick wins" which will give you the greatest rewards in the shortest possible time, and avoid the "hard slogs" which soak up time for little eventual reward. This is an ingenious approach for making highly efficient prioritization decisions.
• Urgent/Important matrix. Similar to the action priority matrix, this technique asks you to think about whether tasks are urgent or important. Frequently, seemingly urgent tasks actually aren't that important. And often, really important activities (like working towards your life goals) just aren't that urgent. This approach helps you cut through this.
• Ansoff and Boston matrices. These give you quick "rules of thumb" for prioritizing the opportunities open to you. The Ansoff matrix helps you evaluate and prioritize opportunities by risk. The Boston matrix does a similar job, helping you to prioritize opportunities based on the attractiveness of a market and your ability to take advantage of it.
• Pareto analysis. Where you're facing a flurry of problems that you need to solve, pareto analysis helps you identify the most important changes to make. It firstly asks you to group together the different types of problems you face, and then asks you to count the number of cases of each type of problem. By prioritizing the most common type of problem, you can focus your efforts on resolving it. This clears time to focus on the next set of problems, and so on.
• Nominal group technique. This is a useful technique for prioritizing issues and projects within a group, giving everyone fair input into the prioritization process. This is particularly useful where consensus is important, and where a robust group decision needs to be made. Using this tool, each group participant "nominates" his or her priority issues, and then ranks them on a scale, of say 1 to 10. The score for each issue is then added up, with issues then prioritized based on scores. The obvious fairness of this approach makes if particularly useful where prioritization is based on subjective criteria, and where people's "buy in" to the prioritization decision is needed.

Taken from Mindtools.com

Jargon Busting: Communicating Without Creating Barriers

"Look at these sales figures! You know Sam, you can't put lipstick on a pig. If we continue this strategic partnering paradigm we might as well be milking a mouse. We've got to cut bait and return to our archetype of using customer-oriented values to make product re-engineering decisions."

If your head is spinning after reading that, you're not alone. The culprit is jargon: The use of specialized terms, idioms, expressions, acronyms and abbreviations that are understandable to only a select group of people.

Jargon, the specialized language of a group of people, has its place in the workplace. It can provide useful shorthand to get across specific meaning quickly.

But jargon becomes a problem when it stops people from understanding your message. When you start using jargon (perhaps unintentionally) with audiences it is not intended for, people will find you very difficult to understand.

Even within the group the jargon's meant for, meanings evolve and newcomers misunderstand. And soon jargon can create barriers within groups too.

In the comments above, made to Sam by his colleague, there are seven instances of business jargon and idioms. You may be familiar with some of the words or phrases, but do you know what the speaker really means? Probably not. That is the problem with jargon. It diminishes the effectiveness of the communication.

It would be much easier for Sam, and anyone else listening, if the speaker simply said:

"Look at these sales figures! They don't look good. The new partnering arrangement is not working. We need to go back to deciding on product improvements based on customer feedback."

When jargon creeps in

Every profession, organization and specialized group has some unique vocabulary that can speed communication between group members. This is okay, provided that the meaning is totally clear to everyone who needs to understand. (Sometimes it's even a benefit that others outside the group do not understand. For example, patients may sometimes be better off not knowing some of the jargon used between doctors.)

Jargon is not effective however if your intended audience doesn't understand it. Some people use jargon unintentionally when it's out of place to do so. Others use it to look more knowledgeable.

Sometimes people replace perfectly acceptable and understandable words with fancy, specialized jargon, seeking to impress their audience. These specialist words seem to hold some magical power that can make the speaker feel more intelligent or more knowledgeable. Unfortunately, the impression he or she gives may be a negative one, rather than the one intended.

Whatever the reason you use jargon, if it's out of place and the audience misunderstands, it can create a two-fold problem. Whilst you fail to convey information to them, you may also succeed in conveying a more subtle, negative message: That you have given little thought to your audience; and perhaps that you are insincere and not to be trusted.

Worse, you may never know that your audience has not understood, people don't often say anything if they mistrust you, or if they fear looking unintelligent themselves.

Jargon traps

Here are some common uses of jargon. Which ones do you use?

• Communicating with others in your field/group. It's okay, within reason, to use jargon for this, but be sure that everyone really does understand. Use jargon when it helps convey specialist information, and avoid it at other times.
• Unthinking. People often use jargon simply because they are not thinking. It becomes a bad habit. Jargon that's appropriate within your team or specialist group is often unintelligible to outsiders, such as your customers or members of your family.
• Trying to impress. Jargon rarely impresses intelligent people. You are more likely to create the impression of "trying to impress" than "being impressive." Others may see it as insincere or irritating.
• Distracting from facts or knowledge. Some people drop into jargon when they want to hide the truth, lessen the magnitude of something, or make it sound more impressive. This is best avoided as it's sure to be spotted. Experienced business people may eject jargon-ridden communication for this very reason.
• Distracting from lack of knowledge. Sometimes it's unintentional but when you're unsure or under pressure, you might give a jargon-filled answer rather than a straight one. Again, it's best to avoid this as it give a bad impression.
• Trying to fit. Using the same language as others is natural when you're trying to build rapport, so jargon may have a place here. But beware! Only use jargon that you fully understand, and that you know is understood by everyone in your audience (not just the ones you want to impress).

Jargon busting

The first step to avoiding unnecessary jargon is to be aware of when you use it. Check through the jargon traps above. Do you tend to fall into any of these? And if so, when?

Perhaps it's when you are in a particular type of meeting, when you're under pressure, or when you are talking with a particular person or group. Perhaps you use company jargon when talking to people outside your organization.

Once you have identified when you tend to use jargon, think about the things you actually say. A good way to do this is to look back at letters, emails, or speeches you have written; or think back to a specific conversation you have had; or even ask someone you know to comment. What specialist words, phrases, expressions, acronyms and abbreviations do you commonly use? Are they necessary and understandable to your intended audience?

The final step is to think about alternatives to the unnecessary jargon you use: Ask yourself what you could say differently to make things clearer. For questions you frequently answer with jargon, practice alternative answers that are as simple and clear as possible.

Taken from Mindtools.com

Dealing With Unfair Criticism

You're presenting the draft marketing plan for a new product at your team meeting. As you talk, you notice the encouraging gestures of your colleagues and supervisor. But one colleague withholds approval, listening with a steely stare. After you finish, he proceeds to deliver a withering critique of your ideas and approach - each point of which, you feel, is patently wrong. As he talks, you feel the blood rise to your face and your heart pound. Now all eyes are on you. What will you say?

Or another scenario: For a year, you work hard toward meeting your professional goals. Things are going well, you're meeting your targets, and team morale is high. Then the hammer drops: At your one-on-one annual review, your boss expresses disappointment in you. Despite all indications to the contrary, you're suddenly in the hot seat - and your boss is telling you so to your face.

What we've seen here are two cases of unfair criticism - one from a colleague, one from a boss. What do you do now? How you react to it can have a tremendous impact on your career. Emotionally charged, your instincts may not be the best guide to follow.

So now what? Easy does it.

Dealing with your initial response

Your immediate response is the most important one - it has the greatest scope for making things worse or better. Here's our recommended approach to overcome the natural urge to express your anger or fight back.

• Step 1: Remain calm. The first thing to do is remain calm, whether the rhetorical slap comes from a colleague or a boss. Negative criticism can give rise to anger or feelings of inadequacy. Expressing these emotions will only dig you deeper in a hole, and give your critic the high ground. When the hammer drops, react with courtesy - and a pause. A couple of deep, quiet breaths will help settle you.
• Step 2: Have the point repeated. Don't pressure yourself to think of the perfect response on the spot. You probably won't. Instead, try this: Simply and calmly repeat your critic's complaints back to him, to make sure that you've understood him properly. Making steady eye contact and in a non-aggressive tone, say: "So, what you're saying is...," and put his criticisms in your own words. The goal here is to take the focus away from any personality clash, and place it squarely on substantive issues. And if what he's saying is truly ridiculous, this tactic may shine a harsh light on his critique. Be very careful though to be factual and avoid the temptation to exaggerate. If he claims your sales strategy will deliver mediocre results, don't say, "So what you're saying is, my sales strategy will bring the company down." By overstating his case, you'll come off as someone who's defensive and looking for a fight - rather than a reasonable person who's genuinely looking to get to the bottom of the matter. If you manage to pull this off, you will have performed the equivalent of turning the other cheek. A truly aggressive critic might be hoping to goad you into a fight, or at least to make you betray anger. Or he may be expecting you to cave in, accept this critique, and slink off, defeated. Instead, what you're doing is taking the focus off of your reaction and putting it back onto his criticisms - without accepting or denying them.
• Step 3: Open up both perspectives. The objective repetition tactic may set him off-balance, and inspire him to backtrack. If so, now is a good time to open a real discussion of the critique. If you choose this route, a smart tactic would be to couch your response in language like "from my perspective," or, "I can see how you might get that idea, but I probably haven't properly explained that." This establishes respect as a key element of the conversation. You will have shown that you're willing to look at things from his perspective, and you can see how he might have reasonably drawn the conclusions he has. Now you'll give him the opportunity to return the favor.
• Step 4: Move on politely. If, on the other hand, your critic holds firm even after you repeat his complaints in his own words, you'll need some time to develop a good response. You've shown that you've understood "where he's coming from," and hopefully you've done so without betraying anger or shame. Now it's time for a graceful exit. "That's certainly something to think about going forward, and I appreciate the feedback," you might say. This presents you a someone genuinely trying to do the best job possible - and places the focus on future interactions.

Responding to a critical colleague

Well, you certainly have been given something to think about, and now you've bought some time. The best possible response will depend, of course, on whether your critic is a colleague or a superior.

If it's a colleague, the first thing to do is take the time-tested advice: "Consider the source." Is he a respected voice within the company, or someone who criticizes others in a desperate attempt to shore up his own flagging reputation? If it's the latter, you may have already solved the problem by calmly repeating his criticism during the meeting. "There he goes again," other team members quite likely will have thought.

However, if your critic's opinion carries weight within the company, it's worth doing some damage limitation. One good idea might be to suggest a meeting to hash out your differences. Even if you find his reasoning flawed, don't discount the chance that you might have something to learn from him. The two of you might together come up with an improved strategy, and you'll emerge from the interaction with a reputation as a team player who pursues the best interests of the company.

So if you think he's wrong, be open-minded but stick to your guns - graciously.

If he persists, and you're convinced that he's wrong, you might consider looking for buy-in from a superior. Be careful not to launch a personal attack - accurately portray both sides of the argument, and explain that you understand his point of view, but that your side is better. Again, even if your boss sides with your critic, you'll come off as someone actively looking out for the company's best interest.

Tangling with the boss

What, though, if your critic is your boss? This is the knottier problem. First, schedule a meeting, and hear him out. Are you sure his criticism isn't valid? If he does make sense, then cede the point, and adjust your approach appropriately.

If you remain convinced that his criticisms fall wide of the mark, and he persists in making them, try graciously, through one-on-one meetings, to bring him round to your view. In doing so, though, recognize that you risk undermining your position further. Again, make your case as calmly and rationally as possible.

Providing you and your boss both keep in mind the goals of the team, rather than your personal or professional differences, you should be able to agree on a positive way forward.

Rational discourse really is the best antidote to unfair criticism. More often than not, it wins out in the corporate world, providing the people involved are open and willing to finding the best course.

Maintaining your self-esteem

Being subjected to unfair criticism can easily be a bruising experience, however well you handle your critic. So it's important that you don't let the experience damage your self-esteem or self-confidence.

The main thing to remember is that we're talking about unfair criticism here rather than constructive feedback. Sometimes the criticism is unfair because it's simply incorrect. And on other occasions it's unfair because it's about something that has no bearing on how you do your job. Either way, remember it indicates shortcomings in your critic rather than in you.

If you find you continue to dwell on it, though, use the techniques of thought awareness, rational thinking and positive thinking to clarify in your own mind that you, your skills and your actions did not deserve the criticisms they received.

Taken from Mindtools.com