Overcoming Procrastination

If you've found yourself putting off important tasks over and over again, you're not alone. In fact, many people procrastinate to some degree - but some are so chronically affected by procrastination that it stops them fulfilling their potential and disrupts their careers.

The key to controlling this destructive habit is to recognize when you start procrastinating, understand why it happens (even to the best of us), and take active steps to manage your time and outcomes better.

What is procrastination?

In a nutshell, you procrastinate when you put off things that you should be focusing on right now, usually in favor of doing something that is more enjoyable or that you're more comfortable doing.

According to psychologist Professor Clarry Lay, a prominent writer on procrastination, procrastination occurs when there's "A temporal gap between intended behavior and enacted behavior." That is, procrastination is occurring when there's a significant time period between when people intend to do a job, and when they actually do it.

How to overcome procrastination

Follow these steps to with and control procrastination:

Step 1: Recognize that you're procrastinating

If you're honest with yourself, you probably know when you're procrastinating. But to be sure, take our Are You a Procrastinator? self test.

Here are some useful indicators that will help you know when you're procrastinating:

• Filling your day with low priority tasks from your To Do List.
• Reading emails several times without starting work on them or deciding what you're going to do with them.
• Sitting down to start a high-priority task, and almost immediately going off to make a cup of coffee.
• Leaving an item on your To Do List for a long time, even though you know it's important.
• Regularly saying "Yes" to unimportant tasks that others ask you to do, and filling your time with these instead of getting on with the important tasks already on your list.
• Waiting for the "right mood" or the "right time" to tackle the important task at hand.

Step 2: Work out why you're procrastinating

Why you procrastinate can depend on both you and the task. But it's important to understand which of the two is relevant in a given situation, so that you can select the best approach for overcoming your reluctance to get going.

One reason for procrastination is that people find a particular job unpleasant, and try to avoid it because of that. Most jobs have unpleasant or boring aspects to them, and often the best way is to get them over and done with quickly, so that you can focus on the more enjoyable aspects of the job.

Another cause is that people are disorganized. Organized people manage to fend off the temptation to procrastinate, because they will have things like prioritized to-do lists and schedules which emphasize how important the piece of work is, and identify precisely when it's due. They'll also have planned how long a task will take to do, and will have worked back from that point to identify when they need to get started in order to avoid it being late. Organized people are also better placed to avoid procrastination, because they know how to break the work down into manageable steps.

Even if you're organized, you can feel overwhelmed by the task. You may doubt that you have the skills or resources you think you need, so you seek comfort in doing tasks you know you're capable of completing. Unfortunately, the big task isn't going to go away - truly important tasks rarely do. You may also fear success as much as failure. For example, you may think that success will lead to you being swamped with more requests to do this type of task, or that you'll be pushed to take on things that you feel are beyond you.

Surprisingly, perfectionists are often procrastinators, as they can tend to think "I don't have the right skills or resources to do this perfectly now, so I won't do it at all."

One final major cause of procrastination is having underdeveloped decision-making skills. If you simply can't decide what to do, you're likely to put off taking action in case you do the wrong thing.

Step 3: Adopt anti-procrastination strategies

Procrastination is a habit - a deeply, ingrained pattern of behavior. That means that you won't just break it overnight. Habits only stop being habits when you have persistently stopped practicing them, so use as many approaches as possible to maximize your chances of beating procrastination. Some tips will work better for some people than for others, and for some tasks than others. And, sometimes, you may simply need to try a fresh approach to beat the "procrastination peril."

These general tips will help motivate you to get moving:

• Make up your own rewards. For example, promise yourself a piece of tasty flapjacks at lunchtime if you've completed a certain task. And make sure you notice how good it feels to finish things!
• Ask someone else to check up on you. Peer pressure works! This is the principle behind slimming and other self-help groups, and it is widely recognized as a highly effective approach.
• Identify the unpleasant consequences of NOT doing the task.
• Work out the cost of your time to your employer. As your employers are paying you to do the things that they think are important, you're not delivering value for money if you're not doing those things. Shame yourself into getting going!
• Aim to "eat an elephant beetle" firs thing, every day!

If you're procrastinating because you're disorganized, here's how to get organized!

• Keep a To-Do List so that you can't "conveniently" forget about unpleasant or overwhelming tasks.
• Use an Urgent/Important Matrix to help prioritize your to-do list so that you can't try to kid yourself that it would be acceptable to put off doing something on the grounds that it's unimportant, or that you have many urgent things which ought to be done first when, in reality, you're procrastinating.
• Become a master of scheduling and project planning, so that you know when to start those all-important projects.
• Set yourself time-bound goals; that way, you'll have no time for procrastination!
• Focus on one task at a time.

If you're putting off starting a project because you find it overwhelming, you need to take a different approach. Here are some tips:

• Break the project into a set of smaller, more manageable tasks. You may find it helpful to create an action plan.
• Start with some quick, small tasks if you can, even if these aren't the logical first actions. You'll feel that you're achieving things, and so perhaps the whole project won't be so overwhelming after all.

If you're procrastinating because you find the task unpleasant:

• Many procrastinators overestimate the unpleasantness of a task. So give it a try! You may find that it's not as bad as you thought!
• Hold the unpleasant consequences of not doing the work at the front of your mind.
• Reward yourself for doing the task.

Finally, if you're procrastinating because you can't decide what action to take, and are putting off making a decision because you're nervous about making the wrong choice, see our decision-making section. This teaches a range of powerful and effective decision-making techniques.

Remember, the longer you can spend without procrastinating, the greater your chances of breaking this destructive habit for good!

Taken from Mind Tools.com.

Your Professional Appearance Can Make or Break You!

One of the great benefits of my job, is to watch individuals as they go through the various (and sometimes painful) stages of career change and evolve into a new person. Over the last year, I have had the pleasure to work with Heather Poduska, whose previous life was as a successful opera singer in Boston, where she sang with the Boston Lyric Opera. After many months of working together, Heather has now launched a business as an image consultant where she is able to combine her skills in professional presence, creativity, marketing and helping others. Heather was kind enough to author an article for my blog.

Why is image so important in a job interview?

Well, let me put it this way, if you walk into a hair salon and the person cutting your hair does not have an attractive, clean, hair style do you feel confident he or she will give you an attractive hairstyle? He or she may be the most talented stylist in the salon, but you would never know by his or her appearance. Perhaps he or she was up all night with a sick child and did not have a chance to style his or her hair. Maybe the hot water heater broke suddenly and he or she couldn't take a shower that morning. But you don't know that. All you see is someone who is about to cut your hair and he or she looks a mess. The same is true in any business. You may be the most talented lawyer, marketing executive, bioengineer, publisher, but if you don't look professional, the first impression may be that you are not competent.

Ok, I understand that I am supposed to look professional, but what does that mean?

First of all, make sure that you are groomed properly. Are you clean? Are your clothes clean, pressed, and in good condition? Are your shoes without scuffs? Is your hair cut maintained and in an up-to-date style? Are your nails manicured? Ladies, please no long nails or bright nail polish. Men, are you clean shaven or is your beard and mustache groomed? This checklist may seem obvious, but many people often neglect even basic grooming and wonder why they are not getting the response they desire. You are kidding yourself if you think people are not noticing your wrinkled shirt or your ragged cuticles.

After you have covered the basics, I suggest you do some research into your chosen field. What are the dress codes that are spoken and unspoken? If you want to work at a hip and trendy gallery and you show up in a suit, it will make just as bad an impression as if you show up to a corporate interview in a colorful, relaxed outfit. DO you know anyone working in your desired field? Ask what people usually wear. Better yet, do some re-con and sit outside a place of work in which you are interested and watch people come out at lunch time. Or, go to a busy lunch place where people in your industry eat and see how they are dressed. You will begin to get a sense of the level of dress required. I would suggest however, you stick to the most conservative edge of whatever field you are in for your first interview.

What are some things I can do to make myself stand out from the pack? In my opinion, the best thing you can do is get yourself a great haircut. Hair is probably the most dramatic tool you have for creating a specific look. Let your hairdresser know how conservative your field is, or is not and then ask for advice on an appropriate, yet modern style. If your field is more creative you can be more adventurous with your style. However, even in a very conservative environment you still want to look modern and up-to-date. No fuddy-duddy hair!

I also think color and accessories are great tools for creating interest and individuality when dressing. Even if your industry demands you wear a dark suit, you can stand out by putting a brightly colored shirt underneath. This season plum seems to be a hot color. A plum stain shirt under a black suit can look stunning. If you are fair you might try a softer version like a lilac color and then add plum accents with a necklace or brooch. Lastly, remember your cases, bags and portfolios. You could look great head to toe and then pull out a sloppy or scuffed attache case. Instead, use the opportunity to top off your polished look with the best quality briefcase and portfolio you can afford. If you are in a creative field you could choose an interesting color. If you are in a conservative field make sure your bags are neutral dark colors, preferably in a high quality leather. Make sure all bags and portfolios are in perfect condition.

Any last suggestions? If you follow these simple steps you will be well on your way to making a great first impression at your interview. Remember, however, that your best accessory is your smile. Interviews are not comfortable for anyone and that includes the interviewer. A great smile will help put everyone at ease and can only help to accentuate your great style.

Taken from Aspire for Success.com. Written by Randi Bussin.

Personal SWOT Analysis

"Chance favors the prepared mind." Louis Pasteur

You are most likely to succeed in life if you use your talents to their fullest extent. Similarly, you'll suffer fewer problems if you know what your weaknesses are, and if you manage these weaknesses so that they don't matter in the work you do.

So how do you go about identifying these strengths and weaknesses, and analyzing the opportunities and threats that flow from them? SWOT analysis is a useful technique that helps you do this.

What makes SWOT especially powerful is that, with a little thought, it can help you uncover opportunities that you would not otherwise have spotted. And by understanding your weaknesses, you can manage and eliminate threats that might otherwise hurt your ability to move forward.

If you look at yourself using the SWOT framework, you can start to separate yourself from your peers, and further develop the specialized talents and abilities you need to advance your career.

To perform a personal SWOT analysis, write down the answers to the following questions.

Strengths

• What advantages do you have that others don't have (for example, skills, certifications, education, or connections)?
• What do you do better than anyone else?
• What personal resources can you access?
• What do other people (and your boss, in particular) see as your strengths?
• Which of your achievements are you most proud of?
• What values do you believe in that others fail to exhibit?
• Are you part of a network that no one else is involved in? If so, what connections do you have with influential people?

Consider this from your own perspective, and from the point of view of the people around you. And don't be modest or shy - be as objective as you can.

And if you have any difficulty with this, write down a list of your personal characteristics. Some of these will hopefully be strengths! You can also learn more about identifying your strengths in our article on "Your Reflected Best Self."

Weaknesses

• What tasks do you usually avoid because you don't feel confident doing them?
• What will the people around you see as your weaknesses?
• Are you completely confident in your education and skills training? If not, where are your weakest?
• What are your negative work habits (for example, are you often late, are you disorganized, do you have a short temper, or are you poor at handling stress)?
• Do you have personality traits that hold you back in your field? For instance, if you have to conduct meetings on a regular basis, a fear of public speaking would be a major weakness)?

Again, consider this from a personal/internal perspective and an external perspective. Do other people see weaknesses that you don't see? Do co-workers consistently outperform you in key areas? Be realistic - it's best to face any unpleasant truths as soon as possible.

Opportunities

• What new technology can help you? Or can you get help from others or from people via the Internet?
• Is your industry growing? If so, how can you take advantage of the current market?
• Do you have a network of strategic contacts to help you, or offer good advice?
• What trends (management or otherwise) do you see in your company, and how can you take advantage of them?
• Are any of your competitors failing to do something important? If so, can you take advantage of their mistakes?
• Is there a need in your company or industry that no one is willing to fill?
• Do your customers or vendors complain about something in your company? If so, could you create an opportunity by offering a solution?

You might find useful opportunities in the following:

• Networking events, educational classes, or conferences.
• A colleague going on an extended leave. Could you take on some of this person's projects to gain experience?
• A new role or project that forces you to learn new skills, like public speaking or international relations.
• A company expansion or acquisition. Do you have specific skills (like a second language) that could help with the process?

Also, importantly, look at your strengths, and ask yourself whether these open up any opportunities - and look at your weaknesses, and ask yourself whether you could open up opportunities by eliminating those weaknesses.

Threats

• What obstacles do you currently face at work?
• Are any of your colleagues competing with you for projects or roles?
• Is your job (or the demand for the things you do) changing?
• Does changing technology threaten your position?
• Could any of your weaknesses lead to threats?

Performing this analysis will often provide key information - it can point out what needs to be done and put problems into perspective.

A Personal SWOT Example

Review this SWOT analysis for Carol, an advertising manager.

Strengths

• I'm very creative. I often impress clients with a new perspective on their brands.
• I communicate well with my clients and team.
• I have the ability to ask key questions to find just the right marketing angle.
• I'm completely committed to the success of a client's brand.

Weaknesses

• I have a strong, compulsive need to do things quickly and remove them from my "to do" list, and sometimes the quality of my work suffers as a result.
• This same need to get things done also causes me stress when I have too many tasks.
• I get nervous when presenting ideas to clients, and this fear of public speaking often takes the passion out of my presentations.

Opportunities

• One of our major competitors has developed a reputation for treating their smaller clients poorly.
• I'm attending a major marketing conference next month. This will allow for strategic networking, and also offer some great training seminars.
• Our art director will go on maternity leave soon. Covering her duties while she's away would be a great career development opportunity for me.

Threats

• Simon, one of my colleagues, is a much stronger speaker than I am, and he's competing with me for the art director position.
• Due to recent staff shortages, I'm overworked, and this negatively impacts my creativity.
• The current economic climate has resulted in slow growth for the marketing industry. Many firms have laid off staff members, and our company is considering further cutbacks.

After completing the analysis, Carol works through her issues and improves her work situation.

Taken from Mind Tools.com.

Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

When you think of a "perfect leader," what comes to mind? You might picture someone who never lets his temper get out of control, no matter what problems he's facing. You might think of someone who has the complete trust of her staff, always speaks kindly, listens to her team, is easy to talk to and always makes careful, informed decisions. These are the qualities of someone with a high degree of emotional intelligence. In this article, we'll look at why emotional intelligence is so important for leaders - and how you, as a leader, can improve yours.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand and manage both your own emotions, and those of the people around you. People with a high degree of emotional intelligence usually know what they're feeling, what this means, and how their emotions can affect other people.

For leaders, having emotional intelligence is essential for success. After all, who is more likely to succeed - a leader who shouts at his team when he's under stress, or a leader who stays in control, and calmly assesses the situation?

According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who helped make the idea of EI popular, there are five main elements of emotional intelligence.

1. Self-awareness
2. Self-regulation
3. Motivation
4. Empathy
5. Social skills

The more that you, as a leader, manage each of these areas, the higher your EI. So, let's look at each element in more detail and examine how you can grow as a leader.

Self-awareness

If you're self-aware, you always know how you feel. And you know how your emotions, and your actions, can affect the people around you. Being self-aware when you're in a leadership position also means having a clear picture of your strengths and weaknesses. And it means having humility.

So, what can you do to improve your self-awareness?

• Keep a journal. Journals help improve your self-awareness. If you spend just a few minutes each day writing down your thoughts, this can move you to a higher degree of self-awareness.
• Slow down. When you experience anger or other strong emotions, slow down to examine why. Remember, no matter what the situation, you can always choose how you react to it.

Self-regulation

Leaders who regulate themselves effectively rarely verbally attack others, make rushed or emotional decisions, stereotype people, or compromise their values. Self-regulation is all about staying in control.

This element of EI, according to Goleman, also covers a leader's flexibility and commitment to personal accountability. 

So, how can you improve your ability to self-regulate?

• Know your values. Do you have a clear idea of where you absolutely will not compromise? Do you know what values are most important to you? Spend some time examining your "code of ethics." If you know what's most important to you, then you probably won't have to think twice when you face a moral or ethical decision - you'll make the right choice.
• Hold yourself accountable. If you tend to blame others when something goes wrong, stop. Make a commitment to admit to your mistakes and face the consequences, whatever they are. You'll probably sleep better at night, and you'll quickly earn the respect of those around you.
• Practice being calm. The next time you're in a challenging situation, be very aware of how you act. Do you relieve your stress by shouting at someone else? Practice deep-breathing exercises to calm yourself. Also, try to write down all of the negative things you want to say, and then rip it up and throw it away. Expressing these emotions on paper is better than speaking them aloud to your team. What's more, this helps you challenge your reactions to make sure that they're fair.

Motivation

Self-motivated leaders consistently work toward their goals. And they have extremely high standards for the quality of their work.

Have can you improve your motivation?

• Re-examine why you're doing this. It's easy to forget what you really love about your career. So, take some time to remember why you wanted this job. If you're unhappy in your role and you're struggling to remember why you wanted it, try the Five Whys technique to find the root of the problem. Starting at the root often helps you look at your situation in a new way. And make sure that your goal statements are fresh and energizing. For more on this, see our article on Goal Setting.
• Know where you stand. Determine how motivated you are to lead. Our Leadership Motivation Assessment can help you see clearly how motivated you are in your leadership role. If you need to increase your motivation to lead, it then directs you to resources that can help.
• Be hopeful and find something good. Motivated leaders are usually optimistic, not matter what they face. Adopting this mindset might take practice, but it's well worth the effort. Every time you face a challenge, or even a failure, try to find at least one good things about the situation. It might be something small, like a new contact, or something with long-term effects, like an important lesson learned. But there's almost always something positive - you just have to look for it.

Empathy

For leaders, having empathy is critical to managing a successful team or organization. Leaders with empathy have the ability to put themselves in someone else's situation. They help develop the people on their team, challenge others who are acting unfairly, give constructive feedback, and listen to those who need it. If you want to earn the respect and loyalty of your team, then show them you care by being empathic.

How can you improve your empathy?

• Put yourself in someone else's position. It's easy to support your own point of view. After all, it's yours! But take the time to look at situations from other people's perspectives. See our article on Perceptual Positions for a useful technique for doing this.
• Pay attention to body language. Perhaps when you listen to someone, you cross your arms, move your feet back and forth, or bite your lip. This body language tells others how you really feel about the situation, and the message you're giving isn't positive! Learning to read body language can be a real asset when you're in a leadership role because you'll be better able to determine how someone truly feels. And this gives you the opportunity to respond appropriately.
• Respond to feelings. You ask your assistant to work late - again. And although he agrees, you can hear the disappointment in his voice. So, respond by addressing his feelings. Tell him you appreciate how willing he is to work extra hours, and that you're just as frustrated about working late. If possible, figure out a way for future late nights to be less of an issue.

Social skills

Leaders who do well in this element of emotional intelligence are great communicators. They're just as open to hearing bad news, and they're experts  at getting their team to support them and be excited about a new mission or project.

Leaders who have good social skills are also good at managing change and resolving conflicts diplomatically. They're rarely satisfied with leaving things as they are, but they're also not willing to make everyone else do the work. They set the example with their own behavior.

So, how can you improve your leadership by building social skills?

• Learn conflict resolution. Leaders must know how to resolve conflicts between their team members, customers, or vendors. Learning conflict resolution skills are vital if you want to succeed.
• Improve your communication skills. How well do you communicate? Our communication quiz will help you answer this question, and it will give useful feedback on what you can do to improve.
• Learn how to praise others. As a leader, you can inspire the loyalty of your team simply by giving praise when it's earned. Learning how to effectively praise others is a fine art , but well worth the effort.

Taken from Mind Tools.com. Written by Bruna Martinuzzi.

Effective Communication Skills

Additional verbal communication tools

A number of other verbal tools encourage communication and facilitate the goal of gaining a more thorough understanding of another's perspective.

Questioning - the listener asks open ended questions to get information and clarification. This helps focus the speaker on the topic, encourages the speaker to talk, and provides the speaker the opportunity to give feedback.

• "Can you tell us more about Johnny's experience when he's in a regular classroom?"
• "How was it for Susie when she rode the special ed. bus for those two weeks?"
• "Tell us more about the after school tutoring sessions."
• "What kinds of skills do you think are important for Jim to learn in a social skills class?"
• "Could you explain why you think it is difficult for Ben to be on the playground for an hour?"
• "I'm confused - are you worried that the testing may mean time out of the classroom for Jim or is there something else?"

Barriers to Effective Communication

"A barrier to communication is something that keeps meanings from meeting. Meaning barriers exist between all people, making communication much more difficult than most people seem to realize. It is false to assume that if one can talk he can communicate. Because so much of our education misleads people into thinking that communication is easier than it is, they will become discouraged and give up when they run into difficulty. Because they do not understand the nature of the problem, they do not know what to do. The wonder is not that communicating is as difficult as it is, but that it occurs as much as it does."

Reuel Howe, theologian and educator

When people are under stress, they are more apt to inject communication barriers into their conversation. These barriers can exist in any of the three components of communication. According to Thomas Gordon, author of Parent Effectiveness Training program, people use communication barriers 90% of the time in conflict situations. For this reason, it is worthwhile to describe some of the common responses that will, inevitably, have a negative effect on communications.

Verbal communication barriers

Attacking (interrogating, criticizing, blaming, shaming)

• "If you were doing your job and supervising Susie in the lunch line we probably wouldn't be in this situation, would we?"
• Have you followed through with the counseling we asked you to do? Have you gotten Ben to the doctor's for his medical checkup? Did you call and arrange for a Big Brother? Have you found out if you're eligible for food stamps."
• "From what I can see, you don't have the training to teach a child with ADHD. Obviously, if you did you would be using different strategies that wouldn't make her feel like she's a bad person."

"You messages" (moralizing, preaching, advising, diagnosing)

• "You don't seem to understand how important it is for your child to get this help. Don't you see that he's well on his way to becoming a sociopath?"
• "You obviously don't realize that if you were following the same steps we do at home you wouldn't be having this problem. You don't seem to care about what is going on in this child's life outside school."

Showing power (ordering, threatening, commanding, directing)

• "If you don't voluntarily agree to this evaluation we can take you to due process. Go ahead and file a complaint if you want to."
• "I'm going to write a letter of complaint to the superintendent and have this in your file if you don't stop humiliating my son in front of his classmates. I know my rights."

Other verbal barriers - shouting, name calling, refusing to speak

Nonverbal communication barriers

1. Flashing or rolling eyes
2. Quick or slow movements
3. Arms crossed, legs crossed
4. Gestures made with exasperation
5. Slouching, hunching over
6. Poor personal care
7. Doodling
8. Staring a people or avoiding eye contact
9. Excessive fidgeting with materials

All these examples of barriers thwart communication, mutual understanding, respect, problem solving, and identifying solutions that will meet everyone's needs. They put a serious strain on relationships that ultimately need to be collaborative in order to most effectively meet the needs of our children. Use of these "communication errors" results in increased emotional distancing between the parties, escalation in the intensity of the conflict and a negative environment for everyone involved.

Effective Communication...

It is two way.

It involves active listening.

It reflects the accountability of speaker and listener.

It utilizes feedback.

It is free of stress.

It is clear.

Six Keys to Being Excellent at Anything

I've been playing tennis for nearly five decades. I love the game and I hit the ball well, but I'm far from the player I wish I were. I've been thinking about this a lot the past couple of weeks, because I've taken the opportunity, for the first time in many years, to play tennis nearly every day. My game has gotten progressively stronger. I've had a number of rapturous moments during which I've played like the player I long to be.

And almost certainly could be, even though I am 58 years old. Until recently, I never believed that was possible. For most of my adult life, I've accepted the incredibly durable myth that some people are born with special talents and gifts, and that the potential to truly excel in any given pursuit i largely determined by our genetic inheritance.

During the past year, I've read no fewer than five books - and a raft of scientific research - which powerfully challenge that assumption (see below for a list). I've also written one, The Way We're Working Isn't Working, grounded in the science of high performance, to systematically building your capacity physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

We've found, in our work with executives at dozens of organizations, that it's possible to build any given skill or capacity in the same systematic way we do a muscle; push past your comfort zone, and then rest. Will Durant, commenting on Aristotle, pointed out that the philosopher had it exactly right 2000 years ago: "We are what we repeatedly do." By relying on highly specific practices, we've seen our clients dramatically improve skills ranging from empathy, to focus, to summoning positive emotions, to deeply relaxing.

Like everyone who studies performance, I'm indebted to the extraordinary Anders Ericsson, arguably the world's leading researcher into high performance. For more than two decades, Ericsson has been making the case it's not inherited talent which determines how good we become at something, but rather how hard we're willing to work - something he calls "deliberate practice." Numerous researchers now agree that 10,000 hours of such practice is the minimum necessary to achieve in any complex domain.

That notion is wonderfully empowering. It suggests we have remarkable capacity to influence our own outcomes. But that's also daunting. One of Ericsson's central findings is that practice is not only the most important ingredient in achieving excellence, but also the most difficult and the least intrinsically enjoyable.

If you want to be really good at something, it's going to involve relentlessly pushing past your comfort zone, as well as frustration, struggle, setbacks and failures. That's true as long as you want to continue to improve, or even maintain a high level of excellence. The reward is that being really good at something you've earned through your own hard work can be immensely satisfying.

Here, then, are the six keys to achieving excellence we've found are most effective for our clients:

1. Pursue what you love. Passion is an incredible motivator. It fuels focus, resilience, and perseverance.
2. Do the hardest work first. We all move instinctively toward pleasure and away from pain. Most great performers, Ericsson and others have found, delay gratification and take on the difficult work of practice in the mornings, before they do anything else. That's when most of us have the most energy and the fewest distractions.
3. Practice intensely, without interruption for short periods of no longer than 90 minutes and then take a break. Ninety minutes appears to be the maximum amount of time that we can bring the highest level of focus to any given activity. The evidence is equally strong that great performers practice no more than 4 1/2 hours a day.
4. Seek expert feedback, in intermittent doses. The simpler and more precise the feedback, the more equipped you are to make adjustments. Too much feedback, too continuously can create cognitive overload, increase anxiety, and interfere with learning.
5. Take regular renewal breaks. Relaxing after intense effort not only provides an opportunity to rejuvenate, but also to metabolize and embed learning. It's also during the rest that the right hemisphere becomes more dominant, which can lead to creative breakthroughs.
6. Ritualize practice. Will and discipline are wildly overrated. As the researcher Roy Baumeister has found, none of us have very much of it. The best way to insure you'll take on difficult tasks is to build rituals - specific, inviolable times at which you do them, so that over time you do them without having to squander energy thinking about them.

I have practiced tennis deliberately over the years, but never for the several hours a day required to achieve a truly high level of excellence. What's changed is that I don't berate myself any longer for falling short. I know exactly what it would take to get to that level. I've got too many other higher priorities to give tennis that attention right now. But I find it incredibly exciting to know that I'm still capable of getting far better at tennis - or at anything else - and so are you.

Here are the recent books on this subject:

• Talent is Overrated by Geoffrey Colvin
• The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle
• Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
• The Genius in All of Us by David Schenk
• Bounce by Matthew Syed

Taken from Harvard Business Review. Written by Tony Schwartz.

Effective Communication Skills

Being aware of the speaker's nonverbal messages

When we pay attention to a speaker's body language we gain insight into how that person is feeling as well as the intensity of the feeling. Through careful attention to body language and paraverbal messages, we are able to develop hunches about what the speaker (or listener) is communicating. We can then, through our reflective listening skills, check the accuracy of those hunches by expressing in our own words, our impression of what is being communicated.

Paying attention to the words and feelings

In order to understand the total meaning of a message, we must be able to gain understanding about both the feeling and the content of the message. We are often more comfortable dealing with the content rather than the feelings, particularly when the feelings are intense. Our tendency is to try and ignore the emotional aspect of the messaged/conflict and move directly to the substance of the issues.

This can lead to an escalation of intense emotions. It may be necessary to deal with the relationship problem by openly acknowledging and naming feelings and having an honest discussion about them prior to moving into the substantive issues. If we leave the emotional aspect unaddressed, we risk missing important information about the problem as well as derailing the communication process.

Reflective listening skills

Reflective listening or responding is the process of restating, in our own words, the feeling and/or content that is being expressed and is part of the verbal component of sending and receiving messages. By reflecting back to the speaker what we believe we understand, we validate that person by giving them the experience of being heard and acknowledged. We also provide an opportunity for the speaker to give us feedback about the accuracy of our perceptions, thereby increasing the effectiveness of our overall communication.

Paraphrasing - this is a concise statement of the content of the speaker's message. A paraphrase should be brief, succinct, and focus on the facts or ideas of the message rather than the feeling. The paraphrase should be in the listener's own words rather than "parroting back," using the speaker's words/

• "You believe that Jane needs an instructional assistant because she isn't capable of working independently."
• "You would like Bob to remain in first grade because you think the activities would be more developmentally appropriate."
• "You do not want Beth to receive special education services because you think it would be humiliating for her to leave the classroom at any time."
• "You want to evaluate my child because you think he may have an emotional disability."

Reflecting feeling - the listener concentrates on the feeling words and asks herself, "How would I be feeling if I were having that experience?" She then restates or paraphrases the feeling of what she has heard in a manner that conveys understanding.

• "You are very worried about the impact that an evaluation might have on Lisa's self-esteem."
• "You are frustrated because dealing with Ben has taken up so much of your time, you feel like you've ignored your other students."
• "You feel extremely angry about the lack of communication you have had in regards to Joe's failing grades."
• "You're upset because you haven't been able to get in touch with me when I'm at work."

Summarizing - the listener pulls together the main ideas and feelings of the speaker to show understanding. This skill is used after a considerable amount of information sharing has gone on and shows that the listener grasps the total meaning of the message. It also helps the speaker gain an integrated picture of what she has been saying.

• "You're frustrated and angry that the assessment has taken so long and confused about why the referral wans't made earlier since that is what you thought had happened. You are also willing to consider additional evaluation if you can choose the provider and the school district will pay for it."
• "You're worried that my son won't make adequate progress in reading if he doesn't receive special services. And you feel that he needs to be getting those services in the resource room for at least 30 minutes each day because the reading groups in the classroom are bigger and wouldn't provide the type of instruction you think he needs."

Continued tomorrow...

Effective Communication Skills

Receiving Messages

Listening

The key to receiving messages effectively is listening. Listening is a combination of hearing what another person says and psychological involvement with the person who is talking. Listening requires more than hearing words. It requires a desire to understand another human being, an attitude of respect and acceptance, and a willingness to open one's mind to try and see things from another's point of view.

Listening requires a high level of concentration and energy. It demands that we set aside our own thoughts and agendas, put ourselves in another's shoes and try to see the world through that person's eyes. True listening requires that we suspend judgment, evaluation, and approval in an attempt to understand another's frame of reference, emotions, and attitudes. Listening to understand is, indeed, a difficult task.

Often, people worry that if they listen attentively and patiently to a person who is saying something they disagree with, they are inadvertently sending a message of agreement. When we listen effectively we gain information that is valuable to understanding the problem as the other person sees it. We gain a greater understanding of the other person's perception. After all, the truth is subjective and a matter of perception. When we have a deeper understanding of another's perception, whether we agree with it or not, we hold the key to understanding that person's motivation, attitude, and behavior. We have a deeper understanding of the problem and the potential paths for reaching agreement.

"Listening in dialogue is listening more to meaning than to words... In true listening, we reach behind the words, see through them, to find the person who is being revealed. Listening is a search to find the treasure of the true person as revealed verbally and nonverbally. There is the semantic problem, of course. The words bear a different connotation for you than they do for me. Consequently, I can never tell you what you said, but only what I heard. I will have to rephrase what you have said, and check it out with you to make sure that what left your mind and heart arrived in my mind and heart intact and without distortion."

John Powell, theologian


Learning to be an effective listener is a difficult task for many people. However, the specific skills of effective listening behavior can be learned. It is our goal to integrate these skills into a sensitive and unified way of listening.

Giving full physical attention to the speaker

Attending is the art and skill of giving full, physical attention to another person. In his book, People Skills, Robert Bolton, PhD, refers to it as "listening with the whole body." Effective attending is a careful balance of alertness and relaxation that includes appropriate body movement, eye contact, and "posture of involvement." Fully attending says to the speaker, "What you are saying is very important. I am totally present and intent on understanding you." We create a posture of involvement by:

• Leaning gently towards the speaker
• Facing the other person squarely
• Maintaining an open posture with arms and legs uncrossed
• Maintaining an appropriate distance between us and the speaker
• Moving our bodies in response to the speaker, ie, appropriate head nodding, facial expressions

As psychiatrist Franklin Ernst, Jr writes in his book, Who's Listening?"

"To listen is to move. To listen is to be moved by the talker - physically and psychologically... The non-moving, unblinking person can reliably be estimated to be a non-listener... When other visible moving has ceased and the eyeblink rate has fallen to less than once in six seconds, listening, for practical purposes, has stopped."

Continued tomorrow...

Effective Communication Skills

"We all use language to communicate, to express ourselves, to get our ideas across, and to connect with the person to whom we are speaking. When a relationship is working, the act of communicating seems to flow relatively effortlessly. When a relationship is deteriorating, the act of communicating can be as frustrating as climbing a hill of sand."

Chip Rose, attorney and mediator


The Three Components of Communication

On a daily basis we work with people who have different opinions, values, beliefs and needs than our own. Our ability to exchange ideas with others, understand others' perspectives, solve problems and successfully utilize the steps and processes presented in this training will depend significantly on how we are able to communicate with others.

The act of communicating involves verbal, nonverbal, and paraverbal components. The verbal component refers to the content of our message, the choice and arrangement of our words. The nonverbal component refers to the message we send through our body language. The paraverbal component refers to how we say what we say - the tone, pacing and volume of our voices.

In order to communicate effectively, we must use all three components to do two things:

1. Send clear, concise messages.
2. Hear and correctly understand messages someone is sending to us.

Sending Messages

Verbal messages

Our use of language has tremendous power in the type of atmosphere that is created at the problem-solving table. Words that are critical, blaming, judgmental or accusatory tend to create a resistant and defensive mindset that is not conducive to productive problem solving. On the other hand, we can choose words that normalize the issues and problems and reduce resistance. Phrases such as "in some districts, people may...", "it is not uncommon for ..." and "for some folks in similar situations..." are examples of this.

Sending effective messages requires that we state our point of view as briefly and succinctly as possible. Listening to a rambling, unorganized speaker is tedious and discouraging - why continue to listen when there is no interchange? Lengthy dissertations and circuitous explanations are confusing to the listener and the message loses its concreteness, relevance, and impact. This is your opportunity to help the listener understand YOUR perspective and point of view. Choose your words with the intent of making your message as clear as possible, avoiding jargon and unnecessary, tangential information.

Nonverbal messages

The power of nonverbal communication cannot be underestimated. In his book, Silent Messages, Professor Albert Mehrabian says the messages we send through our posture, gestures, facial expression, and spatial distance account for 55% of what is perceived and understood by others. In fact, through our body language we are always communicating, whether we want to or not!

Nonverbal messages are the primary way that we communicate our emotions:

Facial Expression. The face is perhaps the most important conveyor of emotional information. A face can light up with enthusiasm, energy, and approval, express confusion or boredom, and scowl with displeasure. The eyes are particularly expressive in telegraphing joy, sadness, anger, or confusion.

Posture and Gestures. Our body posture can create a feeling of warm openness or cold rejection. For example, when someone faces us, sitting quietly with hands loosely folded in the lap, a feeling of anticipation and interest is created. A posture of arms crossed on the chest portrays a feeling of inflexibility. The action of gathering up one's materials and reaching for a purse signals a desire to end the conversation.

Paraverbal messages

Paraverbal communication refers to the messages that we transmit through the tone, itch, and pacing of our voices. It is how we say something, not what we say. Professor Mehrabian states that the paraverbal message accounts for approximately 38% of what is communicated to someone. A sentence can convey entirely different meanings depending on the emphasis on words and the tone of voice. For example, the statement, "I didn't say you were stupid" has six different meanings, depending on which word is emphasized.

Some points to remember about our paraverbal communication:

• When we are angry or excited, our speech tends to become more rapid and higher pitched.
• When we are bored or feeling down, our speech tends to slow down and take on a monotone quality.
• When we are feeling defensive, our speech is often abrupt.

The important of consistency

In all of our communications we want to strive to send consistent verbal, nonverbal and paraverbal messages. When our messages are inconsistent, the listener may become confused. Inconsistency can also create a lack of trust and undermine the chance to build a good working relationship.

When a person sends a message with conflicting verbal, nonverbal and paraverbal information, the nonverbal information tends to be believed. Consider the example of someone, through a clenched jaw, hard eyes, and steely voice, telling you they're not mad. Which are you likely to believe? What you see or what you hear?

Continued tomorrow...

Taken from Direction Service.org. Written by Rod Windle and Suzanne Warren.